you are dough

Simplicity is something that I just enjoy.
I wear simple clothes, I like simple concepts, my favorite computers are quite simple, I think the best desktop wallpapers are simple, I only ever buy simple objects to decorate the house...
CYBERQUEEN was a simple game in the sense that it had simple presentation, something I really liked, but it got really complex. It went against my simple mind, the mind that's used to things like simple '70s games, so despite the simple visuals I simply struggled to grasp at anything.
you are dough was a simple suggestion by a friend late on the night of October 31st, the simple graphics drew me in, and I think it was simple enough that (as you'll read below) I grasped at it just fine.
I do wonder how I'll ever be able to take on more complex works. I assume I need to just find things related to stuff that I like and build up? I really don't know how this goes, I mean I guess I did it with how I was able to go from not soldering at all to doing circuit board repairs just off how much I enjoyed that sort of stuff, so it's a weird thought to have.

you are dough is a piece of interactive fiction, in this case a poem. It's a bitsy-engine game, a very simple (and neat) 2D engine that I've appreciated for a bit now, by npckc. It's short, just a few minutes to read through, but it's really pleasant.

"you are dough
one of many
a malleable mass
not yet taken shape
ready to be formed"

Y'know, I can't say I've ever had anyone compare a brain to a ball of dough before. I've heard "plastic" before, I think it's what I usually use, but I won't deny that I think dough is a cuter option to go for.

Any time I sit down and think I've figured out who I am, what I'm doing, or why I keep going, things just change. I haven't had a sense of comfort in a long while, really since I was just a kid with nothing to worry about except getting my homework done and what was for dinner that night. I think I pick up a hobby that I love but then it turns out that an element really bothers me, I think I figure out my stance on a personal subject like sexuality but then some life experience comes in and tells me otherwise, I think I know what my purpose in life is until something else does it better than I think I ever could...

I do feel like I'm stuck here. I'm still that ball of dough, just waiting to be formed and baked. Everything's still fermenting, I haven't exactly decided who I am or what I'm doing or why I'm here, but I know that I exist. Maybe I'll get out of that soon.

"you experience [hope, love, and joy] & you rise
[regret, anger, and hate] fills you up
it's okay
let it all pop"

The good things in life don't feel like they come around too often, I think I spend about five times as long feeling really down in my head, but when they do I really appreciate them.

Just the other day (it's November 1st, 2023) I got in my truck alongside a friend and we drove to New Jersey for the VCF swap meet and repair workshop. I was really scared to go to the event because I really haven't felt good about myself in relation to that hobby (old computers) for ages, I have a lot of anger towards communities that I just didn't have a fun time in despite really personally loving the things they covered and I have a lot of fright about what others think knowing that I'm kinda just a mess online. I broke down on that ride, I felt really bad, but the friend really helped me out of it and reassured me that things would be good. Once I got there, things were great, I felt love from the people who saw what I was doing and I really did get a sense of joy with chatting around and watching cool things like helping someone fix up a nice classic Macintosh. Do I feel like an honest-to-goodness asshole for putting someone through that, having them sit in a car with me while I sob about how bad I feel? Yeah. I'm just so thankful they were not only willing to put up with it but even dig me out and help me have a really good time. Hearing them still say that it was a good experience means a ton to me.

I guess it just feels weird to "let it all pop" but I'm glad that it was okay. Isn't that kinda what I'm doing with these pages? I think I am, I'm just sitting here and letting my mind dump whatever emotions it's feeling out over random games that I've played, I'm trying to relate works to myself, so I think it counts. I was given encouragement to put my mind into things, creating personal pages instead of faceless reviews. It's tough, sure, but it's nice to know that it's okay.

"with time you ferment
memories your sugar
friends your crust
you become you
your own shape
made of laughter, tears, good, bad, everyone, you
you are bread!"

I'm a person, I've had my ups and downs, I have my friends even if I'm bad at sticking around in any healthy fashion, people have told me I'm unique, I run through a lot of emotions, and I'm slowly figuring my way how to work with all of it. I don't know when I'll honestly ever feel that I can relate to that last line, I just don't know if I'll ever feel like I'm whole as I still think I'm that ball of dough on the inside, but I guess there's a part of me that can start to see it. The thought is pleasant, I can't deny that.

I really do love everything that this game presented. It's so simple but there's a lot that I could dig out of it, I did just write a few paragraphs based off nothing but thirty lines of text over imagery of bread being shaped and baked. Isn't that neat? Thank you Sarah for telling me about this and thank you npckc for making this, I think this was a really good use of time.

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